Romance scams: how to spot one and what to do (UK)

A romance scam is a fake relationship built to take your money, and one strict habit stops almost all of it: never send money, gift cards or investment funds to anyone you have not met in person. This page sets out how these frauds work in the UK, the early warning signs, what SilverSingles checks and what it cannot check, and the exact order of steps if you or a relative have been targeted. Most people you meet on an over-50s dating site are ordinary, genuine people looking for company, and knowing the fraudster’s script lets you spot the exceptions early.

What is a romance scam?

In a romance scam, a fraudster uses a stolen photograph and an invented life story to build what feels like a close, affectionate relationship over weeks or months, waiting until you trust them before asking for money.

The sums involved are serious. Each victim who reported a romance fraud in 2025 lost an average of £11,222, according to City of London Police figures quoted in the Financial Conduct Authority’s October 2025 review of romance fraud. Because many victims feel too embarrassed to tell their bank or the police, the true total across Britain is higher still.

Fraudsters rarely ask for a penny in the first fortnight. First comes daily attention: good-morning messages, sympathetic listening, and a shared sense that the two of you have been lucky to find each other. Only when refusing would feel like abandoning a partner does the crisis arrive: a frozen bank card overseas, a customs charge on a parcel, a sudden medical bill, or a “guaranteed” cryptocurrency platform they want to teach you to use. These operations are run by organised teams who do it for a living, which is why intelligent, careful people get caught out when their guard is down.

What are the signs?

Almost every romance scam combines two things: an excuse why you cannot see them in person, and a story that eventually points at your bank account.

• Video calls and face-to-face coffees never happen. Anyone can miss one call; a match whose camera is permanently broken, or who cancels every planned meeting at the eleventh hour, is hiding their face for a reason.
• Their job conveniently places them out of reach. Working on an oil rig, serving on a military deployment abroad, working as a doctor or engineer on an overseas contract, or dealing in international antiques all serve the same purpose: they explain why they cannot meet you in Shrewsbury on Saturday, and they set up the foreign banking emergency to come.
• The emotional pace is breakneck. Declarations of love in week one, talk of marriage or moving in together before you have ever sat in the same room, and constant messaging that crowds out the rest of your day.
• The photos look too polished. A single reverse image search on Google Images or TinEye often reveals the same “widowed architect from Surrey” appearing under six different names across the web.
• Money enters the conversation in any disguise. Whether it is called a short-term loan, a customs fee, Steam or Apple gift cards, bank details to “receive a transfer”, or a cryptocurrency tip, the moment money is mentioned you are looking at a fraud.
• They push you off the dating site immediately, or ask for secrecy. Moving straight to WhatsApp or private email hides their messages from the dating site’s moderators, and asking you not to tell your children or friends keeps away the people who would ask awkward questions.

Any single item on that list should slow you down; two together, or any mention of money at all, is your cue to walk away. If you have a message or profile screenshot on your phone right now and want a second opinion, run it through our free scam message and screenshot checker. For broader warning signs in someone you have actually met in person, see red flags when dating in your 50s and 60s.

What does SilverSingles do about fake profiles?

The site runs three quick automated checks that are free for members, acts on member reports, and states in its footer that it does not conduct background checks, which means its checks are a helpful hurdle rather than a guarantee.

Inside the member site under Me, Get Verified and Stand Out, a member can verify a profile photo (3 to 8 seconds), a mobile number (about 5 seconds), and an email address (link), all free for now. Passing at least one check puts a verified tick on the profile, though which specific check earns the tick is to confirm. Meanwhile, the site’s public footer states plainly: SilverSingles states it does not conduct background checks on members.

Two practical rules follow for a UK member. First, treat a verification tick as one encouraging sign rather than proof of someone’s honesty or identity, and still insist on a live video call before trusting them. Second, remember that SilverSingles itself will never ask you to transfer money, buy vouchers or help another member with a financial problem.

When a profile looks suspicious, the site’s FAQ says you can report the member from their profile or your conversation with them. Keep your early conversations inside the site’s own messaging rather than jumping to WhatsApp, because the moderators can only act on messages they can see.

Three checks before feelings get deep

Run these three simple checks in the first fortnight, while walking away still costs you nothing emotionally:

1. Have a live video call where you see them speak. Five minutes is enough to check that the person talking matches the photographs and is not a pre-recorded clip. On SilverSingles, built-in voice and video calls with your number hidden require Silver Select, the paid membership; if you are on a free account and have been chatting for a couple of weeks, use a video app you already know, provided you are the one choosing the time.
2. Run their profile photos through a reverse image search. Save one of their pictures and drop it into Google Images (click the camera icon in the search bar) or TinEye.com. Both are free and take thirty seconds. If the photograph belongs to a Danish politician or a stock-photo catalogue, you have your answer.
3. Mention the match to one level-headed friend or relative. Saying the story out loud ("He's a civil engineer from Guildford currently stuck on a pipeline in Cyprus") lets you hear how it sounds in daylight. If you are worried about an older parent who is dating online, ask kindly to see their match's photo and run that image search together.

What if it happens to you, or to a parent?

Stop all payments immediately, save every piece of evidence, and report it. Above all, drop any shame: these criminals use scripts tested on thousands of people, and being deceived by a professional liar is not a personal failing.

Work through these four steps in order:

• Stop sending money at once. Do not pay any “release fee”, “tax clearance” or “courier bond” promised to release money you have already sent, and beware of anyone who contacts you later claiming to be a recovery agency that can get your funds back for a fee.
• Keep every record. Take screenshots of their profile, their photographs, the full message thread on the dating site and WhatsApp, bank transfer details, email addresses and phone numbers before blocking them.
• Ring your bank immediately. Most UK current-account providers are connected to 159, the short anti-fraud number run by Stop Scams UK that puts you straight through to your bank’s fraud team.
• Report the crime to Action Fraud. File a report online at www.actionfraud.police.uk or call 0300 123 2040 (if you live in Scotland, call Police Scotland on 101). You can also pass information anonymously to Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

If you have discovered that your mother or father is caught up in a romance scam, tread gently. For your parent, the grief of discovering the person does not exist is often as sharp as losing a real partner, and scolding them only drives the conversation underground. Show them the reverse-image search calmly, make clear that the blame sits entirely with the criminals, and sit with them while they ring 159 and Action Fraud.

The full UK reporting guide and safety checklist are on our safety page. Hold on to the one rule that prevents almost all of the heartbreak on this page: never send money to someone you have only met online.

Questions people ask